I had an epiphany today, and it knocked my life sideways…

I had an epiphany today. It was one of those days where I was so busy trying to get everything done that I barely had time to breathe. I was driving down the a long two lane road with barely any cars on it, one of my favorite meditative things to do, when it struck me.

“Write a narrative blog about your life, and look at it through a psychological and ancient wisdom point of view.”

That was the epiphany. Maybe not a thought exactly, but more like a download, something that just popped into my head as if it had any right to be there.

I’ve been exploring my life through psychological eyes for a long time now. No, I’m not a therapist, I don’t have a degree in psychology, I just find it fascinating. It’s interesting how if you know even a smidgen of psychology you can start seeing people from a completely different perspective.

I see things from the perspective of “he’s doing that because he’s insecure about something.” or “She only said that because she’s projecting.” or “I think I’ll forgive him because he doesn’t understand why he acted like that, but I also won’t let him back into my life.”

I’ve been studying psychology for years, trying my hardest to learn more about myself, more about the world. I find these things to be so fascinating. The way that all of human experience is felt across the board, by every human being on this planet in some way or another. We are all common in our psychosis. And don’t tell me you’re not at least a little bit crazy.

• I am terrible at finishing things I start (working on it)
• I have a major issue with commitment
• I spend too much time on social media obsessing about other peoples lives
• I watch too many horror movies and can’t sleep well at night
• I want to write a book. Every time I start a new project, a newer project pops into my head. What is the opposite of writers block?
• I am overly blunt
• I ghost people. Well that’s not fair, I tell people what I need and how they’ve crossed my boundaries, then when they don’t listen I ghost them
• I shoved my feelings down and put a cap on them for so long I’m actually having to work to feel them again
• I could go on… but I think you get the drift.

I’m a messed up person, I think in some way we all are. At the end of the day we’re human, just like every body reading this. Unless you’re a dog that can read, and if you are… then please hit me up, I’d love to pet you!

I have so many things in my life that I want to work on. And finally, something in my life has triggered me as if I were given a “Go”. Well I know exactly what it is, I know when it started so it’s not something but somewhere.

Last July, I went to Peru. I landed in Lima in the dead of night, joined a tour group the next morning and traveled through Peru with a bunch of wonderful people. It was the time of my life. We spent two days in the Amazon Rainforest, at this tiny resort right on the edge of the Rio Madre. It was a total of 12 cabins, with netting instead of walls, no electricity for about 18 hours out of the day. Activities from feeding piranha in the lake to a night walk to see all the extremely deadly and poisonous insects to walking across a several rope ladders over the tree canopy.

It sounds awful, but the morning we left I cried.

I remember the sound of the wind in the tree canopy. The beauty of the plants just outside our cabin. I remember the way it felt to completely disconnect with no electricity. The way it was cool but so humid I sweat in places I never sweat before. I remember the smell of the night. Staring up at the endless stars. I remember how the moment the electricity turned off, everybody would put their phones down and connect with each other.

Later, we went to Cuzco, where we did a lot of shopping and site seeing. We went to the local Cathedral, where we went to the catacombs and saw the bones of long dead people. A guided tour through the robustly decorated Cathedral interior, with floor to ceiling gold. We ate some of the freshest food I’ve ever had in my life. Let me tell you something, you haven’t had a mango until you’ve had one that was picked off the tree 30 minutes before being served to you.

After spending two days in Cuzco, we boarded a train to Machu Picchu, and that was when my life changed.

I know people say that Machu Picchu is this life changing thing, but I didn’t believe it, not really. I remember standing over it and looking down at Machu Picchu city, the gloriously gigantic city (no, the photos don’t do it justice) but I didn’t feel anything. My first day in Peru I met a man who gave me instructions for when I got to Machu Picchu to fully experience it. He told me “Don’t wear any metal, don’t wear any sunglasses, let the sun shine on your face and if you wear metal you’ll mess up the magnetism”. So I didn’t wear metal and didn’t wear sunglasses, but still I felt almost nothing. I felt excitement, I felt awe, I felt proud of myself for finally coming, but I didn’t feel that instant healing that I was expecting.

When my group and I finally descended into the city and walked through the first doorway, I felt a shift in energy. It wasn’t a big shift, just a shift. Something was different. I didn’t pinpoint what at the time. We walked through the city, looking at everything, almost being trampled by a rogue alpaca and eventually arrived at The Sacred Rock. It’s this giant mountain shaped rock what is said to radiate energy. You’re supposed to stand in front of it and ask it for what you want in life.

I unfortunately do NOT have a picture of the Sacred Rock, but one can be found on this website. https://imachupicchu.com/sacred-rock/

I asked for new love, new prospects and a new direction in life. I remember thinking I should ask for a new love because I’d been feeling like I was almost ready for love again in my life, and needed an extra jolt. But… what I got was so much greater than anything I could have ever imagined.

Instead of what I asked for, I got what I needed. Which was a Go!

Every since I got back from Peru my life has been slowly unfolding into something incredible. I’ve taken up writing (look at me writing!) and I’ve started several new projects such as learning about Naturopathy (the healing of the mind, body and soul), learning more about my sons Autism (Through a wonderful company called Asperger’s Experts, who really are experts… why? Because they’re all autistic!) to finally speaking mind to the people who needed to hear what I had to say to finally, finally having the guts to get up on a stage and SING.

That trip to Peru changed my life.

I saw a whole new morning. I saw the sun for the first time.

I came home with a new me. I do this thing where I leave things behind. Imagine lifting things out of your mind and leaving them on the side of the road. I’ve done this several times, but I think I left the old me in Peru. I think a piece of me was left there. In the nourishing soil of Machu Picchu, a piece that was holding me back. It was keeping me in one place, almost fearful of success and rejection all at the same time. I left a piece of me behind there, but it wasn’t a piece I needed. It left something open for something else, something much greater and more beautiful than anything I’ve ever felt or seen.

I came back a different person. I know it so deeply within the cavernous depths of my soul.

So here I am now. Mixing the healing powers of modern psychology with the healing powers of ancient wisdom, mixing it all together and becoming. Becoming a whole new woman, a whole new species of me.

I’m here to write about my journey, to hopefully inspire someone to become like I’m starting to become. Become what? I don’t know yet. But I feel this complete sense of ease in my path ahead, I can’t get myself to stop. It’s effortless effort. Forward movement, a beautiful step towards a future that I have no earthly idea where I’m headed, but I’m so excited to be on this journey. I know there’s going to be setbacks. I know it’s going to be hard and it’s going to push me so far out of my comfort zone. I’m going to want to run away back into my shell. But the stronger part of me, the part that has taken over, is willing to take the long scenic road that might take me the rest of this life and on into another to achieve this.

I want to be me, the glorious beautiful Self that my soul has been asking me to be for a long time now and I’m finally ready to listen.

I hope that you come on this journey with me.